Grieve. Feel the feels. And get up.

How you handle hard times in your life can be everything.

Throughout my life, I have gone through A LOT of ups and downs... some ups are super high... but just like anything, you come back down. Some downs have you questioning life, did God make a mistake, can I make it through this... but usually, you eventually find your way through the dark to see the light again. 

My girls will tell you I really focus on teaching life lessons to them. I believe as a parent, you have to use discernment in what you can teach and when... but that transparency is key, right? I'm convinced - You have to be honest with your kids about life and stop shielding them from bad in this world. As parents, we don't want them experience it all, but they need to know it’s there and how to handle it when it comes their way. I often wonder... if we were more honest with our kids, could they make better decisions? 

Because of this, I have been really candid (at the appropriate age) with my girls about what all I’ve gone through in life - the good, the bad, and the I don’t know if I can make it. I’ve been candid about some of the huge mistakes I’ve made and about the things I’d love a chance to do differently. But I’ve been transparent about how to deal with it, when I’ve dealt with it badly and when I’m proud of what I done (since it’s usually for them). But I am the kind of parent that I have a need to make sure I teach my girls some of the crucial lessons they will need because if ever I’m not here and be with them, it’s crucial they know to deal with the suck, press on, thrive.

One of the best lessons I have shared with my girls is: there will be times in your life you simply don’t think you can survive. There will be devastation and heart break. There will be soul crushing disappointments. There will be gut wrenching loss. This all is inevitable... 

I have told them that it's so important for us to acknowledge the hurt/pain we feel, especially during these times in your life. If you don't acknowledge it, feel it, deal with it, you can't move on. You allow it to have a hold on you. You have to do this process in a respectful, appropriate way. You have to allow yourself to be free. You have to give yourself time and space with people you know and trust to be able to allow yourself to experience this process. 

#1 Acknowledge it. Embrace the Suck

For a healthy person, to remain healthy in the moment of loss, they will not live in denial. When something happens, acknowledge it. They can't pretend like whatever happened is going to just 'go away' or fix itself. Sometimes you will need to simply allow yourself a moment to comprehend what happened. Take time to reflect. Accept what has just happened, no matter how unexpected or bad. 

When you experience a loss, the quicker you are able to acknowledge it, embrace it, the quicker you can get thru the recovery. The consequences of not acknowledging what you're going thru is you can miss out on something 

#2 Grieve. Feel the feels. And get up

One of the things I wish I could have learned MUCH EARLIER in life is this... it's so easy to get caught up in drama, especially when you're young. Wallow in your self pity... be the victim and blame others for what THEY did to you... It's so easy to stay wallow and cry and repeat what happened a million times over and over in your head. But why? What good is it going to do for you to live in that? One of the best thing I ever learned: Grieve. Feel the Feels. BUT GET UP. Once you have embraced the suck of what is happening... let yourself feel the paid but don't FEED the pain. Feel the feels, take the day or two to experience the loss, whatever it is. Be reasonable about what the appropriate amount of time is. IE: don't give yourself a week to grieve something that is not that big of a deal. but don't give yourself a day to grieve something that is HUGE... but give yourself the time, whatever it is, to feel your feels. 

What's this mean? if you want to cry, cry... if you want to talk, find a confidant and talk... if you want to punch something or someone, i'd suggest a gym for this, haha... but get some gloves on and get into a bag! 

How do you grieve? How are you comfortable grieving? do you need to get into a private room and do it? do it... but be responsible. If you are prone to dangerous feelings, have someone from your inner circle with you to help you but allow yourself to experience what you're going thru. Time box it so you don't stay in the feelings for too long, but allow adequate room. Acknowledge what happened, allow yourself to feel the feelings in a way that works for you. 

#3 Make your plan to move on; Don't let it control you 

After you have gone through your grief, and you're in a good head space, this is the time for you to make your plan of action. What do you want to do now? 

Depending on what you're recovering from, you will need to make a plan of action to not stay in the pits... but you will need to also plan what you're going to do now. With no plan, you have no reason to leave the grief for more than a day. And you don't want to let the battlefield of your mind F you up. Just being honest... 

If you lost someone... make the plan of what to do next. If someone hurt you, make a plan of how to not be hurt again. If you lost a job you loved, you need to get back out there right? So what does that look like for you? if you don't make this choice to move forward, you will never get out of the suck. And chances are you mean a lot to a lot of people and may even have people depending on you.... so get your butt up and do something now! So what can you do now to make your life better and keep this from happening again. Learn from a mistake? Make better choices in the future? Honor the memory of someone you love that is no longer here? But just move forward past where you are. 


Everyone is different and everyone grieves in different ways... but I do hope this helps you or helps someone. Do you have questions? Its also worth mentioning... The suicide prevention hotline is 1-800-273-8255.